au - needs a title

[sammysicle]

Summer 2013 - Josh and Chloe are 3.5

Sam and Jen had been looking forward to Saturday all week. Carol would be watching Chloe and Josh while Sam and Jen took Lily and  Harley out on one of the trails. It had been a while since they'd both been out together. Rob and Steve were going to be working on their trucks, or so they said. Sam seen them more likely to sit out under one of the big shade trees with a cooler full of beer and doing nothing. She and Jen didn't mind. They were just excited about getting out on the trails.

Once they'd all eaten lunch and got the kids down for their naps, Sam pushed Steve against the wall and kissed him softly. "Sure you two don't wanna come with us?"

Comments

[sammysicle]

Steve took a step toward her and she took another step back. She still wanted to run away but once she finally looked up at Steve, she went into his arms and shook her head. "I tried to save her. I was so close and I...I just couldn't." she sobbed, looking up at Steve. "Before Harley ran, I tried to grab his reins...but I couldn't reach them. I'm sorry, Rob. God, I'm so sorry." She buried her face in Steve's shirt once more, crying harder and gasping for air like she did when she'd get really upset.

[sgtshriver]

He didnt push her or force her to come to him, if she'd taken off, he would have given her a head start before chasing after her but when she finally comes into his arms he hugs her tight and sways her back and forth, "Shhhh its ... you did Sam, you did everythin' you could" He said softly an Rob looked up at Sam, standing and moving a hand to rub her shoulders, "Its okay Sam, its not your fault" He said, heading outside and for the first time in a long time, pulling out a cigarette, he always had a pack on him and he and Steve would sometimes have one while they drank but not too often since they'd had kids but he pulls the unopened pack out and tugs a cigarette out, lighting it and leaning up against the wall outside the hospital. Steve felt Sams body racking with sobs and he kissed her head, "Sammy, take a breath, take a deep breath" He whispered in her ear and the last thing he wanted was for her to pass out due to lack of air.

[sammysicle]

She really just wanted to run away but knew Steve would just come and get her. She couldn't help but think about how damn close she was to grabbing those reins and could have stopped Harley. She couldn't help but feel she could have done more. She could hear Steve but for a moment she didn't listen to him and she started coughing. Finally though, she made herself take a deep breath and another and another. Once she had calmed down some, she looked up at Steve. "I want to see her, just one last time." she pleaded but knew she couldn't unless Rob let her and she just didn't have the heart to ask.

[sgtshriver]

Steve knew Sams brain was already going a mile a minute about what she should and could have done different, how she could have fixed all of this, what she did wrong, and he knew that she'd feel this way for a long time and there wasnt anything he could do to change her thought process, no matter how many times he told her it wasnt her fault. "Sit here babe, Ill be right back" he whispered, heading outside and spotting Rob, putting a hand on his shoulder as he takes the last drag of his cigarette. "She wants to see her dont she?" Rob asked and Steve nodded, staying quiet, "She dont gotta ask, we're family, she can go see her" He said quietly and Steve patted his back, "You know where to find me buddy okay?" He said, knowing how hard this was, actually not REALLY knowing how hard this was but he could only imagine and he put himself in Robs place and knows he'd be a mess right now if that were Sam in that E.R.

He heads back in and reaches for Sams hand, "Come'on, lets go see her" He said softly, seeing a few nurses and doctors coming out of the area where Jen was as they walked back, knowing they'd probably cleaned a lot of the dirt off of her to see the extent of her injuries and he tugs back the curtain where she is and squeezes Sams hand. "Want me to come in with you or stay out?" He asked.

[sammysicle]

She took a seat in the waiting area and pushed her hair back behind her ears. She looked down and kept her eyes on her clasped hands until Steve came back inside and she took his hand, walking with him to where Jen was in the ER. She took a deep breath, bracing herself when he opened the curtain. "Just give me a few minutes alone." It was all she needed and she walked over to Jen, letting Steve shut the curtain.

She stood there a few moments and just looked at Jen, easily able to see how battered her body was from being dragged by Harley. She wanted to hate him for doing this to Jen and she did a little but knew that even after what happened, Jen would never fault him for it. She brushed her hand over Jen's cheek, cold and lifeless. It caused her to pull it back before she spoke softly.

"Jen, I'm so, so sorry I couldn't save you. I tried to stop Harley, he just took off too fast and I couldn't catch him. I tried so hard." She was sobbing quietly again, her hand resting on top of Jen's. "I'm so sorry you had to spend your last hour alone but I had to go for help and Rob got to see you for those last few minutes. We're gonna take care of Josh and Rob. Josh is gonna know what a wonderful and caring woman his mama was. I'm gonna make sure of that. He's never gonna forget you. I won't let him and I'm never gonna forget you. You're my best friend, always will be and I love you so much. I'm just sorry I let you down."

She had to stop when she started crying softly once more and she squeezed Jen's hand softly before burying her face in her own hands.

[sgtshriver]

Steve stays put on the other side of the curtain, listening to Sam talk to Jen and while hes not crying, his heart is breaking with every word Sam says, wishing there was something he could do, for both her and Rob but theres nothing and he knows it. He stays put for a while, waiting until he hears silence and then the soft sighs and crying coming from Sam before tugging the curtain back and stepping inside, sliding a hand over Sams back, leaning and kissing Jens forhead, "Dont you worry about a thing sweetheart, we're gonna take good care'a Josh and Rob, and Im gonna take good care'a Sam, you just go be you up there okay?" He whispered against her forehead, turning to look at Sam and kissing her head, "Maybe we should go baby girl?" He said, "Chloe and Josh are gonna be hungry and they're gonna need someone to put 'em down, and I think you need to get cleaned up and down to rest too" He said softly, hoping she doesnt put up a fight or anything even though he wouldnt fault her for it.

[sammysicle]

She shut her eyes when she felt Steve's hand on her back and she stood still just staring at Jen as Steve spoke. She didn't want to let Jen go and she turned, burying her face in Steve's shirt once more, sobbing softly once more. "We can't leave her here all alone." Even Sam knew better but she just wasn't thinking rationally. She knew he was right about the kids but she also knew his parents were home with them right now. She also knew Josh would be asking for his mama before bed. She didn't want to deal with any of it. She just wanted Jen back.