au - needs a title

[sammysicle]

Summer 2013 - Josh and Chloe are 3.5

Sam and Jen had been looking forward to Saturday all week. Carol would be watching Chloe and Josh while Sam and Jen took Lily and  Harley out on one of the trails. It had been a while since they'd both been out together. Rob and Steve were going to be working on their trucks, or so they said. Sam seen them more likely to sit out under one of the big shade trees with a cooler full of beer and doing nothing. She and Jen didn't mind. They were just excited about getting out on the trails.

Once they'd all eaten lunch and got the kids down for their naps, Sam pushed Steve against the wall and kissed him softly. "Sure you two don't wanna come with us?"

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[sgtshriver]

Steve was looking forward to today, a Saturday at his parents house with his best friends and favorite girls, he couldnt ask for anything more and he knew Sam and Jen were excited to get the horses out and go for a ride, it was gorgeous outside, not too hot, not too cold and there was a little bit of a warm breeze that felt great, he was really looking forward to getting some work done on his truck, and putting a nice dent in that cooler full of beer he and Rob had stocked up.

Hes not expecting to be shoved against the wall but he welcomes it and wraps his arms around her, returning her kiss and shaking his head, pulling back a bit and resting his forehead against hers, "Nah, you girls go, have a girls day, you two have been lookin' forward to this for a while" He smiled, pecking her lips again, "Go, go have fun"

[sammysicle]

While Sam wouldn't have minded if the guys went with them, she was looking forward to it being just her and Jen. It wasn't like they got a lot of days that it was just them without the kids.

"You and I will have our own fun later." she grinned, kissing him once more and hugging him tight. She was eager to get going and she was dressed in shorts, a tank, and her favorite cowboy boots. She had her sunglasses on top of her head and she took Steve's hand as they walked outside. "We'll be back in two or three hours."

[sgtshriver]

Jen and Rob were already outside waiting, Jen in a pair of cut offs, a button down shirt and her cowboy boots, a cowboy hat on her head and she was currently wrapped around Rob as Sam and Steve walk outside.

Steve smirked and playfully swatted Sams ass, wrapping his arm around her waist once theyre outside, "Tonight ... you're mine" He whispered, kissing her neck and reluctantly letting her go, Rob doing the same with Jen, "You girls have fun, be careful!" Rob called out and Jen turned and looked at them, "Oh stop, you two are more likely to get hurt than we are, have fun sittin' in lawn chairs and drinkin' beer!" Jen called back, linking arms with Sam and speeding up toward the barn.

[sammysicle]

Sam skipped the cowboy hat but she did have her hair back in a French braid to keep it out of her face, even if Lily seemed to like it loose where she could nip at it. She yelped softly at the swat and cuddled up against him. "We'll see you two in a couple hours." She smiled over a Rob and chuckled at Jen. "Try not to pull any muscles picking up those heavy beer cans." she teased before Jen dragged her off.

They sounded like two teenagers as they hurried to the barn, eager to get out on the trails. Lily already had her head sticking out of her stall when she heard Sam's voice. "There's my girl." she smiled, nuzzling her nose against Lily's face.

[sgtshriver]

Steve and Rob both waved their girls off, laughing and cracking open a beer and heading over to the workshop to work on their cars.

Harley and Lily heard their girls coming and both had their heads out over their stall doors, Harley kicking at his stall door and nodding his head when Jen walks up to him, "Hey handsome" She smiled, rubbing a hand over his big cheek and resting her head against his, "Ready to go for a ride, huh?" She asked and he kicked at his stall door, Lily taking the cue and doing the same, nodding her head and nuzzling Sam, nipping at her hair and kicking her stall door.

[sammysicle]

"You two sure are impatient." she chuckled, sneaking a carrot out of her pocket for Lily and letting her have it. She had a couple more for later and she just knew Lily would be nipping around looking for those treats like she always did. "Which trail did you wanna take today?" she asked Jen, opening up Lily's stall and letting her walk out.

[sgtshriver]

Jen had just tossed her saddle up onto Harleys back, sneaking him a peppermint from her pocket and glancing over at Sam, "I dont know, I was thinkin' maybe takin' that one that runs 'long side the river?" She suggested, not really caring which one they took, all the trails were nice and the weather had been good so they didnt have to worry about too much mud or really hard ground from the dry heat they got during the summer.

[sammysicle]

Lily's saddle was next, Sam tossing it over her back and strapping it on. Sam thought over the trails before she agreed with Jen. "Yeah, let's take that one. We can get out in the river with the horses, let them get a drink and cool off." Lily loved playing in the water with Sam. After putting her bridle on, Sam climbed on Lily and headed out of the barn.

[sgtshriver]

"Thats just what I was thinkin'" Jen smiled, making sure her saddle was tight and fastening the bridle before swinging up on Harley, following Sam out of the barn and turning into the pasture, both horses picking up a trot and she lets Harley stretch his legs and get ready for the fun day ahead of them.

They wind through the pastures and eventually come across the trails, finding the one they wanted and after an hour, reach the river which after about two hundred feet, turned into the lake and Jen looked over at Sam, smiling, "This is nice, we need to do this more often"

[sgtshriver]

"She's not alone baby, she's okay, she'll understand you have the kids to go home to and she'd want you to take care'a you" he whispered, hugging her and kissing her head. "I love you" he whispered into her hair, tugging gently, "Sammy come'on" he said, looking up as a nurse walks in, "We, we need to move the body, I'm sorry but we have people coming in and we need this bed" she said, trying not to sound cold but in this situation it was hard not to. "Sam, come on let's go home" Steve said, reaching for Sams hand.

[sammysicle]

Sam just stood there staring at Jen's lifeless body. She didn't say anything else but she didn't move either. She knew he was right but it still bothered Sam thinking Jen would be all alone now. She was just getting ready to give in when that nurse walked in and her words had Sam turning and glaring at the woman. "Don't you dare make her sound less important than anybody else. She has a name. It's Jennifer, not the body." she snapped, looking at her another moment before she turned and walked out, not even stopping in the waiting room. She'd had enough of that place and just headed straight out the door.

[sgtshriver]

The nurse just looked at Sam and Steve watched, trying to reach out and calm Sam down before she storms off and he looks at the nurse sympathetically, "Im sorry, she ... Im sorry" He said softly, walking off and catching up to Sam, reaching out for her arm, "Sam, Sam stop ..." he said softly, tugging her to him.

[sammysicle]

Sam was already out on the sidewalk before she stopped, her body stiff against Steve's because she was still agitated at that nurse and of course, losing her best friend. "She's not just a body, not to me. Don't those damn nurses know they have a name, SHE has a name?"

[sgtshriver]

"No, no shes not Sam, no one said or meant that, the nurse was just doin' her job, she understands Sam, she gets its hard, we all do, its gonna be hard for a long time, but it'll pass" He whispered, rubbing her back, "You love her, I loved her, Rob loved her, we all loved her, its gonna be okay, she didnt mean it, she didnt mean to say what she said, she knows she has a name" He tried to explain.

[sammysicle]

"She could have said 'her', not 'the body'." she huffed, pulling out of his grasp. She was just mad right now, mad at Jen being taken away, mad at herself for not being able to stop Harley, mad at Harley for hurting Jen, mad because her best friend was gone doing something she loved. "It's not gonna be okay." She said that in a much softer tone, her emotions right now as unpredictable as when she was pregnant. "She's never coming back. I gotta get out of here." She turned and headed down the sidewalk, just needed to use up some of her energy.

[sgtshriver]

"Yes, yes she could have and thats a bad fault on her for not doing so, but ..." He said softly and listened to her, not saying anything back and he knew she was mad, at a lot of people and a lot of things and he lets her walk off, "Sam ..." He starts to call after her but knows shes safe walking in that area and he'd give her some time to vent and walk on her own.

[sammysicle]

While she wasn't paying attention which direction she was going, it was away from the hospital and that's all that mattered to her. She walked quickly, her hands balled into fists at her side and she muttered to herself. After going a couple blocks, the anger started to dissipate and her hands were no longer in fists. She'd also stopped muttering and slowed down a bit. A couple more blocks went by and she had her arms wrapped around herself and when she saw a bench up ahead, she sat down with her head in her hands.

[sgtshriver]

The next day had gone exactly how they'd all expected it to, horrible. Telling Josh mommy wasnt coming home and trying to explain to him that she wasnt at work, she wasnt out with auntie, but that she was gone forever, was one of the hardest things they'd ever have to do, all of them, an having to watch Rob tell him had been heartbreaking for everyone. Josh took some time to process it and it was bedtime when he finally had, the next few nights a nightmare for everyone but thankfully, Chloe had stayed with Josh, trying to be there and help him as much as she could, though she was a mess too.

A few days later, the funeral had happened, it was beautiful, something Jen would have wanted, peaceful, intimate, just her closest friends and family and to Steve, it felt like this was the final chapter of the book, that once the funeral happened, they could slowly begin to heal, each one of them needing to heal in their own way and time but knowing that once funerals happened, it was easier to begin that healing process.

Steve, Sam and Rob had stayed at the cemetery for a good, long while, everyone else heading off one by one, Carol and Will taking Chloe and Josh out for ice cream. Steve rubs a hand over Sams back and kisses her head, "Come'on, lets head home, let him ... let him alone for a while" He said quietly, knowing Rob would be back at his parents place tonight to stay over and go back to his house tomorrow.

Steve knew he'd have problems getting Sam to eat, she'd been doing good but now the funeral had happened, now it was really real and he had a feeling it would be tough, but he somehow convinces her to have a little bit of something with them for dinner, Rob not touching his food and instead staying in the guest bed room until everyone heads off to bed hours later, slowly stumbling out of the guest room where he'd had a six pack of beer and was currently holding a half empty bottle of tequila as he plops down on the couch in the living room.

[sammysicle]

Sam knew that telling Josh was going to be horrible but she had no idea just how bad until they did it, or attempted to do it. He just didn't understand what 'forever' meant. At his age, a few hours was forever to him. It was a roller coaster ride with him the next few days. His little mind would get distracted easily and then he'd want mommy to which one of them would have to remind him mommy wasn't coming back. Chloe didn't understand it either and it killed Sam to watch Chloe hug Josh, trying to comfort him while she was crying, too.

The funeral was just as bad and it was almost impossible to get Sam to move away from the casket, just standing silently and staring at Jen's lifeless body. While she was quiet about it, she just kept telling Jen over and over that she was sorry. She made sure there were things in the casket with Jen, as if she'd be lonely with out them. They were mostly pictures of Jen and Rob, Jen and Josh when he was born. There was a picture of Jen on Harley, Jen and Sam, all six of them, and a few other things.

It probably sounded crazy but Sam didn't want to leave the cemetery and leave Jen there all alone. She knew she'd have to and when Steve told her it was time to go, she didn't fight him on it and they headed back to his parents house. Everyone was quiet the rest of that day, even the kids were watching movies instead of helping grammy or running around playing.

Sam had been eating good but now that everything was over, they had to start living their lives without Jen in them and Sam didn't even know where to begin. She knew they'd be keeping Josh a lot, especially whenever Rob would be going back to work but above all, Jen was gone and her appetite started fading. She knew they'd have to try to get Rob to eat eventually. She didn't like him going off to the bedroom by himself, thinking he should be around the family but they all knew he needed his space.

Sam hadn't been sleeping well and she'd woken up a few hours later, pulling on a pair of panties and one of Steve's shirts, telling him she was going after a drink. She headed downstairs to the kitchen and turned on the light. Opening the fridge door and taking out the pitcher of iced tea, she didn't see Rob on the couch until she'd gotten a glass out of the cabinet and set it down on the island. "Rob..." She walked into the living room and sat down beside him. "You want me to fix you a bite to eat?"

[sgtshriver]

Rob hadnt even noticed anyone or anything around him, until Sam sat next to him and he took a swig from the bottle, looking over at her and shaking his head, "No ... No" He said quietly, heavy lidded eyes from all the alcohol and he shakes his head again, looking at the TV and the stupid infomercial that had come on, then down at the bottle, offering it to Sam, "Buy ya a shot" He chuckled.

[sammysicle]

She'd never seen Rob so lost in her life and her body literally ached for him knowing he was in so much pain. She hoped maybe sometime she could get him to eat with her but right now, she didn't push it. She glanced up at the TV and was going to tell him to turn it until he offered her a drink and she chuckled softly, taking the bottle. "I'll owe you one." This was all too familiar as she took a long drink before handing the bottle back.

[sgtshriver]

Rob chuckled and took the bottle back, taking another swig and handing it to her, grabbing for the remote and flipping through what seems like fifty channels of infomercials before finding COPS and leaving it on that channel, "I almost forgot how good this feels" he said, breaking the silence.

[sammysicle]

Sam didn't hesitate to take another drink or three as she watched him change the channels. She leaned back and put her feet up on the coffee table, looking over at him when he spoke. "You'll change your mind when you wake up with a hangover." Of course, she couldn't help thinking that it did feel good.

[sgtshriver]

"Funny thing is ... I never get hangovers" He smiled over at her, resting his feet on the coffee table and taking another drink, handing the bottle to her, "Must be my manly build that prevents 'em or somethin' ... now Steve ... Steves a fun one, his hangovers are like he's still drunk, 'cept he cant move from a flat on his back position" He chuckled, recalling many times they'd partied a little too hard and felt it the next morning.

[sammysicle]

"I don't either but only if I drink enough water." She took the bottle and a swig before holding it up and looking at the worm floating around in the bottom. While she and Steve had been drunk a few times and even drunk along with Rob and Jen too, Sam had never seen Steve stuck on his back and she laughed. "What? He gets stuck on his back like a turtle?" she asked, laughing again at the though of his moving his arms and legs around as he tried to get up.