au - needs a title

[sammysicle]

Summer 2013 - Josh and Chloe are 3.5

Sam and Jen had been looking forward to Saturday all week. Carol would be watching Chloe and Josh while Sam and Jen took Lily and  Harley out on one of the trails. It had been a while since they'd both been out together. Rob and Steve were going to be working on their trucks, or so they said. Sam seen them more likely to sit out under one of the big shade trees with a cooler full of beer and doing nothing. She and Jen didn't mind. They were just excited about getting out on the trails.

Once they'd all eaten lunch and got the kids down for their naps, Sam pushed Steve against the wall and kissed him softly. "Sure you two don't wanna come with us?"

Comments

[sammysicle]

Sam was already out on the sidewalk before she stopped, her body stiff against Steve's because she was still agitated at that nurse and of course, losing her best friend. "She's not just a body, not to me. Don't those damn nurses know they have a name, SHE has a name?"

[sgtshriver]

"No, no shes not Sam, no one said or meant that, the nurse was just doin' her job, she understands Sam, she gets its hard, we all do, its gonna be hard for a long time, but it'll pass" He whispered, rubbing her back, "You love her, I loved her, Rob loved her, we all loved her, its gonna be okay, she didnt mean it, she didnt mean to say what she said, she knows she has a name" He tried to explain.

[sammysicle]

"She could have said 'her', not 'the body'." she huffed, pulling out of his grasp. She was just mad right now, mad at Jen being taken away, mad at herself for not being able to stop Harley, mad at Harley for hurting Jen, mad because her best friend was gone doing something she loved. "It's not gonna be okay." She said that in a much softer tone, her emotions right now as unpredictable as when she was pregnant. "She's never coming back. I gotta get out of here." She turned and headed down the sidewalk, just needed to use up some of her energy.

[sgtshriver]

"Yes, yes she could have and thats a bad fault on her for not doing so, but ..." He said softly and listened to her, not saying anything back and he knew she was mad, at a lot of people and a lot of things and he lets her walk off, "Sam ..." He starts to call after her but knows shes safe walking in that area and he'd give her some time to vent and walk on her own.

[sammysicle]

While she wasn't paying attention which direction she was going, it was away from the hospital and that's all that mattered to her. She walked quickly, her hands balled into fists at her side and she muttered to herself. After going a couple blocks, the anger started to dissipate and her hands were no longer in fists. She'd also stopped muttering and slowed down a bit. A couple more blocks went by and she had her arms wrapped around herself and when she saw a bench up ahead, she sat down with her head in her hands.

[sgtshriver]

Steve had let her go, knowing she needed to vent and knowing she was safe, not wanting this to turn into a fight because he stopped her. He lets her be for about ten minutes before heading off in the direction she'd gone and walking at a brisk pace, looking around and hoping she'd continued in this direction otherwise he'd be screwed and when he stops and looks around, he spots her sitting on a bench and walks over, gently sitting down next to her and staying put, not touching her or even saying anything just yet, just sitting there.

[sammysicle]

She was messing with her fingernails when he sat down, trying to scrape the dried blood from them. She didn't say anything to him and instead, just leaned her head against his shoulder. She was quiet a moment before speaking softly. "Take me home." Which meant back to his parents' house.

[sgtshriver]

Hes surprised when she doesnt say anything other than asking to be taken home and hes more surprised when she leans on him and he nods his head, standing and reaching to take her hand if she wants to take his, and heads back towards the parking lot so they could go home.

[sammysicle]

She was all out of words by that time and all out of energy though they had to walk back to the hospital...where she didn't want to go. She stood up with him and took his hand but didn't move, just pointed to the little diner across the street. "Can you pick me up there? I don't wanna go back to the hospital."

[sgtshriver]

When she pointed to the diner and he glanced over and nodded his head, "Yeah, Ill be over in about ten minutes" He said, squeezing her hand and heading off towards the hospital and up to the garage, finding the SUV and hopping in, and heading for the diner, not twenty minutes after leaving her, he pulls up and parks at the diner, walking inside and spotting her at a little table, "Did you .... did you wanna get somethin' to eat?"

[sammysicle]

She nodded her head and sprinted across the street, walking into the diner and sitting at a small table. She ordered a hot chocolate, slowly sipping it as she watched the door. When Steve came in and sat down, she gently shook her head. "I'm not hungry." Plus, she knew Carol would have food since she had to feed the kids.

[sgtshriver]

He looks at her from across the table and thanks the waitress for bringing over a glass of water, taking a sip and right now, hes not going to fight with her or force her to eat. Hes not really sure what to say or do right now, knowing nothing he says or does will change how she feels so he sits and watches her sip her hot chocolate, taking sip of his water and sighing a bit, "Robs gonna get a ride home with one'a the guys from base, I told 'im we'd hang onto Josh for the night" He said softly.

[sammysicle]

She continued to sip her hot chocolate and looking down at the little sugar pack she was twirling around with her finger. She'd calmed down a lot and all she wanted to do was go home and take a hot shower. The calm didn't last long when Steve mentioned Rob and she looked up at him with a sigh. "Of course he is. He wants to be as far away from me as he can get." she huffed, though she sounded more hurt than anything. She quickly got up and headed out the door but this time she just went to the SUV.

[sgtshriver]

"Sam ... that aint true and you know it" He said before she got up and walked out, he tosses some money on the table and walked outside, meeting her at the truck and he hops in, looking over at her, "He dont blame you for this Sam, just so ya know" He said quietly, starting the car up.

[sammysicle]

Right now, she didn't know anything aside from her best friend was dead and she almost prevented it. She knew almost wasn't good enough. She slid into the seat and latched her belt, sighing heavily. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again. She just wanted to get home, see Carol for a minute, and then get in the shower.

[sgtshriver]

The drive home is quiet, pulling into the driveway and he hops out, waiting for Sam and heading inside, "You gonna go up and shower?" He asked, "Im gonna help feed the kids" He said, walking to the kitchen and scooping Chloe up, smothering her in kisses.

[sammysicle]

She walked into the house with him, still not saying a word. She was gonna look for Carol and then see Chloe for a moment but she was just so lost and confused, she took Steve walking off as not wanting her around. "Fine." She huffed and walked off, zipping up the stairs. She went straight to the bathroom and locked the door thinking maybe some time alone would do her some good. She turned on the water in the shower and started taking off her clothes, stepping into the shower when she was finished.

[sgtshriver]

Steve hears her fine, and he wants to turn and call her on it but he doesn't and continues on to the kitchen, finding Chloe and Josh standing next to Grammy on their little stools, laughing as they helped her toss some spices into the shredded chicken simmering up on the stove top and Steve stops and leans against the door jam a moment, rubbing his hand over his face and he takes a deep breath, hearing the water upstairs and he kisses Chloe and Josh quickly, wanting to go up and change. He tries to open the bathroom door once he's stripped down to just his dirty jeans and finds it locked, "Sam?" He said against the door.

[sammysicle]

Sam was surprised Steve didn't come after her but maybe that was a good thing. A few minutes for her to cool off was what they needed. She was so mad and frustrated that it was easy to take it out on him. Her body was all tense so the water was soothing. She was washing her hair when she heard him at the door and she paused a moment, popping her head out of the shower curtain and trying to decide if he sounded mad or not. She didn't say anything to him but she did step out of the shower and unlock the door. It was chilly once she was away from the hot water and her body shivered before she stepped back in. She wasn't sure what to say so she just waited to see what he said.

[sgtshriver]

Steve waits at the door, starting to get nervous that something had happened to her, or she'd done something to herself because right now she wasn't in the best frame of mind. He hears the door unlock and twists the handle, opening the door and popping his head in "You okay?" He asked softly, looking at her from head to toe and then stepping in the bathroom, gently reaching for her "Get back in the shower baby, you're freezing" he said gently.

[sammysicle]

"I'm fine." she told him softly but clearly she wasn't. She was, however, doing fine considering everything that had happened. She didn't go to him when he reached for her because she was too cold. She stepped back inside the shower and popped her head out. "Get in with me?" she asked, looking up at him with her wide, blue eyes.

[sgtshriver]

She barely gets the question out to join her and he's already tugged off his shirt and quickly tugs his pants and boxers down, kicking everything into a pile and hopping into the shower behind her, he waits a few moments before gently slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her back against his chest, kissing the side of her face and leaving his face there, breathing her in and while he's upset and confused and angry about Jen, he can't help but squeeze his eyes shut and thank whoever is responsible for keeping them on this earth for not taking Sam away from him. "I love you, so much" he whispered into her ear.

[sammysicle]

Once he'd gotten into the shower, she didn't move after he pulled her back against him and she leaned her head back against his chest. She hadn't told him yet but she had a similar thought that she couldn't get out of her head. While she was upset and angry about Jen, she was angry at herself for a thought that slipped into her head and just made her feel more guilty...that she was glad it hadn't happened to her. She just wished it hadn't happened to Jen. Once Steve spoke, she turned in his arms and hugged him tight. "I love you, too." she squeaked out, crying against his chest.

[sgtshriver]

When she turns in his arms he wraps both arms around her tight, hugging her to his chest and he feels her body shake as she starts crying and he kisses her face again, rocking side to side slowly and keeping his lips against the side of her face "Shhhhh, Sammy, it's alright baby, it's gonna be okay" he whispered, "We're gonna get though this, I promise" he whispered, moving one hand up and down her back soothingly.

[sammysicle]

She didn't know how long they stood there with her face buried in his chest while she cried. She knew he was right but she just couldn't see it right now. After a while, her tears subsided and she looked up at him, "I know we will." She looked at him another moment before kissing him soft and slow.